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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575183">not a soul</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirvanabrook/pseuds/nirvanabrook'>nirvanabrook</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>somewhere only we know [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dead Poets Society (1989)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>3 am fics, Friendship, Gay, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, LGBT, Love, M/M, Queer Themes, anderperry, charlie is the bestest friend, i dont regret a thing, i love this movie so much fuck, i miss them, it is literally almost four am and i am writing an anderperry fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:48:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>922</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575183</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirvanabrook/pseuds/nirvanabrook</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Neil and Todd were in love. They had to hide it, but being roommates made it just a little bit easier. One night, they decided to fall asleep together, wrapped in each other's arms, which they had done many nights before. They had a way of making it to where they wouldn't get caught. But they must've been a lot more tired this night, or maybe just less cautious, because in the morning Charlie walked in to talk to his friends and wake them up, but instead found them asleep and cuddling. It's a good thing it was Charlie and not someone else.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Todd Anderson/Neil Perry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>somewhere only we know [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699393</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>120</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>not a soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is my first story on ao3 which is cool. it's also my first dps fic. i love this movie so much and i love anderperry and charlie.</p><p>this is during canon, so there is mention of events that happened in the movie, but neil isn't dead and there is no mention that he could be.</p><p>this isn't heavy on homophobia, but there is some, and there is quite a bit of internalized. it's gonna be a little sad, but nothing too bad. it's happy at te end. also, it is 5 am. i'm feral right now. i hope you like it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neil Perry figured out that he was in love with Todd Anderson when he listened to that poem Mr. Keating made him say in front of the entire class. Some of them laughed, but Neil thought it was beautiful. Neil thought <em>he</em> was beautiful. He never thought that Todd would feel the same, especially when they could be punished for having the feelings they did. It was a risk for them to love each other. </p><p>But they were willing to take that risk.</p><p>It was a good thing that they were roommates. It made it a lot easier for them to be together and still be able to hide it. Them being roommates meant that they could sleep in the same bed without anyone knowing. They could kiss each other good night without having to worry most of the time. Neil thought Todd was worth the risk and he was willing to give up everything, even acting, to be with Todd.</p><p>One night, they were both exhausted. They hadn't gotten much sleep because of the secret Dead Poets Society meetings. They didn't have one this night. </p><p>Neil walked into their dorm, ready for bed, Todd already relaxing on his bed. He kept drifting in and out of sleep. Neil turned the lights out and laid down, and a few seconds later he heard Todd's tired, soft voice say his name.</p><p>"Yeah, Todd?" Neil replied.</p><p>"Come lay with me?" said Todd's raspy voice. Neil let out a soft laugh. His bed creaked as he slowly got out. The floor was cold under his bare feet as he walked across to Todd's bed. Todd moved over and Neil laid down next to him. </p><p>"I love you," said Neil. Todd laid his chest on Neil's and closed his eyes.</p><p>"I love you, too." Neil gently kissed his forehead. </p><p>-</p><p>Charlie opened the door to find Todd and Neil fast asleep in each other's arms, laying in Todd's bed. </p><p>"Oh," he said as he shut the door behind him. The sound of the door closing caused Neil to jump up quickly, forcing Todd up, too. "Woah, it's just me. It's okay."</p><p>"Charlie," uttered Neil. Panic was painted on both Neil's and Todd's faces. They trusted Charlie, but they couldn't trust Hell-ton. The faculty barges in anywhere at any time. Neil squeezed Todd's hand.</p><p>"You guys are fine," Charlie replied. "It's just me. You're lucky it's just me." He let out a nervous laugh. </p><p>"Charlie, you can't tell anyone," Neil said. "Not a soul." He was terrified. What if a teacher found out and then his dad found out? His dad would kill him. Why did he have to be gay? Why couldn't he just like girls like he was supposed to? "Shit. Shit!" </p><p>This time, Todd squeezed Neil's hand.</p><p>"I won't tell anyone, Neil." </p><p>"I'm serious, Charlie," he begged. "Please."</p><p>"Me, too," said Charlie. He smiled. It wasn't his usual sarcastic, smart-ass smile, or a smirk, or a mischievous grin, it was a genuine, sweet smile. He wasn't usually a serious guy, but he could be. And he felt bad that he made Neil and Todd feel bad. </p><p>"It's okay, Neil," Todd assured. Neil looked at him. </p><p>"Do you really think I'd snitch?" Charlie asked. "Especially for something silly like that? Absolutely not. You guys are my best friends, okay? And nothing will change that."</p><p>That's when Neil started crying. Tears raced down his cheeks continuously. He sat down on Todd's bed and placed his head in his hands. He was a quiet crier. Charlie and Todd sat down next to him and hugged him.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Neil whispered. He wiped his puffy eyes with his sleeve and looked at Charlie. "You're a great friend, you know that? I'm really glad we're friends." Charlie grinned. "What... What if my father finds out? What if he finds out that I like boys. Fuck, I'm so screwed."</p><p>"He's not going to find out," replied Charlie. "You know why? Because no one else is going to know, and as soon as you graduate, you're gonna move to New York and become the best damn actor anyone has ever seen in their entire life, Neil."</p><p>"I doubt that, but thanks, Nuwanda."</p><p>The three of them sat in a comfortable silence for a moment and appreciated each other's company.</p><p>"You know, I'm really not that surprised, to be honest," Charlie spoke. "You guys have been pretty close, and you two just... click. You're good together." Neil and Todd smiled.</p><p>"Thanks, Charlie," replied Todd. </p><p>"Okay, not get dressed, lovebirds. We're probably going to get yelled at." Charlie got up and walked to the door. "See ya at breakfast." He walked out and closed the door behind him.</p><p>Neil and Todd sat there for another moment, just holding hands.</p><p>"We are really good together, aren't we?" Neil said.</p><p>"Perfect," Todd replied with a smile. They kissed each other. "I love you so much, Neil. I'm not going to stop, either, no matter what we go through, no matter how many people tell us that it isn't right, no matter how risky it may be, <em>no matter what your dad think</em><em>s</em>. Carpe diem, right? Seize the day, just like Keating said. I'm going to seize the day with <em>you</em>... because I love you." </p><p>Neil grinned. He had never smiled so big. He fell in love with Todd in new ways every day. He gave his boyfriend the biggest hug. He put his head into Todd's shoulder and squeezed him tight. He was so whipped.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>im publishing this now at 5:30 in the morning which is a risky move bc i have not slept but... maybe it's good. probably not. but oh well.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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